Laughter is said to be the best medicine,and when it comes to humor,dirty jokes have a unique place in our hearts.In this article,we're about to embark on a journey into the world of rib-tickling,risqué humor.From witty one-liners to cheeky puns,dirty jokes have a way of breaking the ice and making us burst into laughter.So,if you're ready for a good laugh and some light-hearted fun,stay tuned as we explore the art of crafting and enjoying dirty jokes that are bound to leave you in stitches.
Dirty jokes:
Double meaning dirty jokes:
1.What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?
"I want you inside me."
2."Give it to me!Give it to me!"she yelled."I'm so wet,give it to me now!"She could scream all she wanted,but I was keeping the umbrella.
3.A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest.After about 15 minutes,the man finally gets up and says,"Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!"The woman says,"Me too,you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
4.What do you get when you cross a dick with a potato?
A dictator.
5.How do you make a pool table laugh?
Tickle its balls.
6.If you were born in September,it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
7.A naked man broke into a church.The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.
8.What do tofu and dildos have in common?
They are both meat substitutes.
9.Did you hear about the constipated accountant?
He couldn't budget,so he had to work it out with a paper and pencil.
10.What does a perverted frog say?
"Rubbit."
Funny dirty jokes:
11.How is playing bridge similar to sex?
If you don't have a good partner,you better have a good hand.
12.Why did the sperm cross the road?
Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.
13.An old woman walked into a dentist's office,took off all her clothes, and spread her legs.The dentist said,"I think you have the wrong room.""You put in my husband's teeth last week,"she replied."Now you have to remove them."
14.Why does a mermaid wear seashells?Because she outgrew her B-shells.
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip-off.
15.Let's play carpenter!First,we'll get hammered,then I'll nail you.
16.What do you do when your cat's dead?
Play with the neighbor's pussy instead.
17.How is life like toilet paper?You're either on a roll or taking s*** from someone.
18.What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?One's a Goodyear.The other's a great year.
19.What is Moby Dick's dad's name?
Papa Boner.
20.What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public?
A private tutor.
Amazing dirty jokes:
21.What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?
Beef strokin'off.
22.What did the leper say to the sex worker?
"Keep the tip."
23.Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra.The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.
24.They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles.Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?
25.Why do walruses love a Tupperware party?
They're always on the lookout for a tight seal.I'll admit it,I have a tremendous sex drive.My girlfriend lives 40 miles away.
26.Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.
27.What is the first thing a man puts in a woman when they get married?
The wedding ring.
28.What's the difference between kinky and perverted?
Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather,perverted is when you use the whole bird.
29."I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time,"a husband says to his wife.She thinks about it for a moment and then responds,"Your penis is bigger than your brother's."
A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says,"Honey,I shaved myself down there.Do you know what that means?
"The boyfriend says,"Yeah,it means the drain is clogged again."
30.What do you call the lesbian version of a cock block?
A beaver dam.
What did dirty jokes:
31.What do a penis and a Rubik's Cube have in common?
The more you play with it,the harder it gets.
32.What's long, green,and smells like bacon?
Kermit the Frog's fingers.
33.What do you get when you jingle Santa's balls?
A white Christmas.
34.Why is diarrhea hereditary?
It runs in your genes.
35.A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it.While he waits,the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time.The penguin isn't the cleanest eater,and he ends up covered in melted ice cream.When he returns to the shop,the mechanic takes one look at him and says, "Looks like you blew a seal.""No,"the penguin insists,"it's just ice cream."
36.What did one butt cheek say to the other?
"Together,we can stop this crap."
37.And that was cos I’d no small change for the window cleaner.”–Victoria Wood
38.“Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied,‘Yes,who did you think it was?’”–Jimmy Carr
39.“You never know where to look when eating a banana.”–Peter Kay
40. Why is there no jam?Have you run out of eggs?’–Russell Howard
Pick up lines dirty jokes:
41.“The only thing I can offer to put ladies at ease is that I am of no sexual threat whatsoever.I’m 42 years of age,I literally have to hit it with nettles.Sex with me these days is akin to thumbing marshmallows into the anus of a cat.”–Greg Davies
42.“Looking at my penis,I find it endlessly fascinating.It’s 46 years old,my penis.46!It’s older than the Sydney Opera House,my penis!”–Rhod Gilbert
43.“I accidentally filled the Escort with diesel.She died.”–Gary Delaney
44.“I’ve never laughed a woman in to bed,but I’ve laughed one out of bed many times.”–Jack Whitehall
45.“People think I hate sex.I don’t.I just don’t like things that stop you from seeing the television properly.”–Victoria Wood
46.“I’ve got a boyfriend at the moment. Sometimes he’s there and sometimes he’s not.I prefer it when he’s not.Sex is a lot quicker.”–Sarah Millican
47.“I don’t like my boyfriend watching pornography.I do think it’s kind of a form of infidelity,because he’ll be imagining himself having sex with other women,and I don’t understand why he needs to watch it when I draw him such great vaginas.”–Sara Pascoe
48.“Mr Circumcision refused his knighthood.”–Rob Carter
49.“They say one in ten people want a sex toy for Christmas,and that’s a lie,isn’t it?You open presents in front of your family!Who’s there going,‘What have you got,Nan?A b**t plug?Same here!”–Russell Howard
50.“I’ve answered at tedious length.‘Tedious Length’ is also my porn name.”–David Mitchell
Best dirty jokes:
51.“I’m very old now and I’ve got a body like a dropped lasagne.Women now look at my naked body in the same fearful way that pensioners look at snow.”–Frankie Boyle
52.“Las Vegas and Glasgow have a lot in common:they’re the only two places in the world where you can pay for sex with chips.”–Frankie Boyle
53.“Remember to never answer a phone during sex,even if you hilariously answer with,‘I can’t talk now,I’m going into a tunnel.’”–Jimmy Carr
54.“I went to the zoo to watch the monkeys w**ing.Then I went to watch the crocodiles. I was still w**ing.”–Gary Delaney
55.“Apparently,women need to feel loved to have sex and men need to have sex to feel loved,so the basic act of continuing the species requires a lie from one of you.”–Billy Connolly
56.“Sex is like playing Bridge–if you don’t have a good partner,you better have a good hand.”–Peter Kay
57.“You should only have sex with a famous person if you really,really genuinely want to tell people about it afterwards.”–Sara Pascoe
58.“The annoying thing about Christmas is running out of batteries because the kids want them for their toys.I’m sorry,but if Christmas is coming–so am I.”–Sarah Millican
59.“A Christian friend of mine said that sex between two men is wrong in their eyes.I said,‘You’re right,it’s supposed to be up the bum!'”–Gary Delaney
60.“I thought Coq au Vin was love in a lorry.”–Victoria Wood
What is it dirty jokes:
61.“One sex therapist claims that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears.Personally,I think it’s b***ocks.”–Billy Connolly
62.“What do you call a video of two toads having sex?
Frogspawn.”–David Ephgrave
63.“I went to buy a Christmas tree.The guy goes,‘So you can put it up yourself?’
I said,‘No,I was thinking the living room.”–Gary Delaney
64.“I lost my virginity under a bridge.I was having sex with this poor girl and I was trying my best,but I was like Scotland at the World Cup–just happy to be there.”–Russell Howard
65.“Not all sexual experiences have to be filled with anger.Just all in my experience.”–David Mitchell
66.“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex.Not the best advice I’d ever been given.I burst in through the bedroom door saying,‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset.His secretary was surprisingly nice about it.I got the bike.”–Jimmy Carr
67.What is a long,wide thing that men carry hanging in front of it?
Tie.
68.What is the first thing a man puts in a woman when they get married?
The wedding ring.
69.What is furry and peeking out of your pajamas at night?
Your head.
70.It goes in hard and dry and comes out soft and wet.What is it?
A bubblegum.
Top dirty jokes:
71.Hair on the top and hair on the bottom,in the middle a wet slit,what is it?
The eye.
72.Your body is 70 percent water…and I’m thirsty.
73.I love my bed,but I’d rather be in yours
74.They say that kissing is a language of love,so would you mind starting a conversation with me?
75.I lost my keys…can I check your pants?
76.Let’s play carpenter!First,we’ll get hammered,then I’ll nail you.
77.I’m not a weatherman,but you can expect a few more inches tonight.
78.Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.
79.Why is sex like math?You add a bed,subtract the clothes,divide the legs,and pray there’s no multiplying.
80.Name something you can say during Game of Thrones and sex.The ending was disappointing.
81.How is playing bridge similar to sex?
If you don’t have a good partner,you better have a good hand.
82.“Give it to me!Give it to me!”she yelled.“I’m so wet, give it to me now!”She could scream all she wanted,but I was keeping the umbrella.
83.A woman walks out of the shower,winks at her boyfriend, and says,“Honey,I shaved myself down there.Do you know what that means?”The boyfriend says,“Yeah,it means the drain is clogged again.”
84.A naked man broke into a church.The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.
85.Did you hear about the constipated accountant?
He couldn’t budget,so he had to work it out with a paper and pencil.
86.What’s the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
A genealogist looks up the family tree,a gynecologist looks up the family bush.
87.What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?
One snatches your watch.The other watches your snatch.
88.What’s the difference between kinky and perverted?
Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather,perverted is when you use the whole bird.
89.What’s the difference between hungry and horny?
Where you stick the cucumber.
90.What do you call the lesbian version of a cock block?
A beaver dam!
"What is the difference between"dirty jokes:
91.What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth?
A glad-he-ate-her.
92.What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?
Beef strokin’ off!
93.What do you call a person who doesn’t masturbate?
A liar.
94.What do a woman and a bar have in common?
Liquor in the front,poker in the back.
95.What do women and noodles have in common?
Both wiggle when you eat them.
96.What do you get when you jingle a man’s balls?
A white Christmas.
97.What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom?
Condoms have evolved:They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.
98.What’s another name for a vagina?
The box a penis comes in.
99.What’s the difference between anal and oral sex?
Oral sex makes your day.Anal makes your hole weak.
100.What did the penis say to the vagina?
Don’t make me come in there!
In conclusion,dirty jokes,while often considered edgy,have an undeniable charm when it comes to making us laugh.They provide a delightful escape from the mundane and offer a shared experience that transcends boundaries.Laughter is universal,and in the world of humor,these jokes play a unique role.As we wrap up our exploration of this genre,remember that humor can be a great stress reliever,and sharing a well-timed dirty joke can brighten even the dullest of days.So,keep the laughter alive and share a few 'dirty jokes' to keep the fun flowing! By:JokeFiesta Team.
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