Explore the boundless world of laughter with our article on humor jokes!Unleashing a cascade of joy, our collection promises a delightful escape from the mundane.Dive into witty anecdotes,clever quips,and side-splitting punchlines that guarantee a chuckle.Whether you're a seasoned humor enthusiast or just looking for a mood lift,our humor jokes compilation has something for everyone.Join us on a laughter-filled journey, where every line is crafted to tickle your funny bone and leave you in stitches.Get ready for a joyous ride into the realm of humor!
Humor jokes:
2.I'd like to have kids one day.
I don't think I could stand them any longer than that,though.
Hot humor jokes:
Humor jokes about people:
Humor jokes with happiness:
Best humor jokes:
In conclusion,our humor jokes article is a testament to the timeless power of laughter.From witty one-liners to clever anecdotes,we've explored the vast landscape of humor,leaving no stone unturned.As we wrap up this laughter-filled journey,remember that humor is not just entertainment;it's a universal language that connects us all.So,keep smiling, keep sharing the laughter,and let the joy of humor jokes brighten your days.Stay tuned for more mirthful moments and endless giggles!
1.Why are cigarettes good for the environment?
They kill people.
3.When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree,I don't find it cute or romantic.I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
4.I hate double standards.Burn a body at a crematorium,you're "being a respectful friend."
Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."
5.What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?
A meltdown.
6.The doctor gave me one year to live,so I shot him with my gun.
The judge gave me 15 years.Problem solved.
7.My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.I'm not too worried,I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87
8.Wife: "I’m pregnant."
Husband: "Hi pregnant,I’m dad."
Wife:"No,you’re not."
9.To teach kids about democracy,I let them vote on dinner.They picked tacos.
Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
10.I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.I'll let you know.
Humor jokes to die for:
11.I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies.
She is not “fun to be around”.
12.What month is the shortest of the year?
May, it only has three letters.
13.What did the snail who was riding on the turtle's back say?
Wheeeee!
14.I was going to tell a time traveling joke,but you guys didn't like it.
15.What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
16.I used to run a dating service for chickens,but I was struggling to make hens meet.
17.Why do we tell actors to"break a leg?
"Because every play has a cast.
18.What does a pig put on dry skin?
Oinkment.
19.My uncle named his dogs Timex and Rolex.They're his watch dogs.
20.Did you hear about the guy whose left side was cut off?He's all right now.
Humor jokes to pull the plug:
21.How do you open a banana?
With a mon-key.
22.Today at the bank,an old lady asked me to help check her balance.So I pushed her over.
23.Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf.I haven't heard from him since.
24.The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.She still isn't talking to me.
25.I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger.Then it hit me.
26.I don't want to brag,I finished the puzzle in under a week and it said 2-4 years on the box.
27.My dog is a genius...I asked him what is two minus two,he said nothing.
28.My boss told me to have a good day..so I went home.
29.I think i would like a job cleaning mirrors,it's just something I could really see myself doing.
30.Why was the math book sad?
Because it had too many problems.
31.Parallel lines have so much in common.It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
32.What do you call a bear in the rain?
Drizzly bear.
33.How does Jesus make coffee?
Hebrews it.
34.What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing! They fast!
35.What did the father tomato say to the baby tomato whilst on a family walk?
Ketchup.
36.Someone stole my mood ring yesterday.I still don’t know how I feel about that.
37.What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
A stick.
38. What does a cloud wear under his raincoat
Thunderwear.
39. Two pickles fell out of a jar onto the floor.What did one say to the other?
Dill with it.
40. What time is it when the clock strikes 13?
Time to get a new clock.
Dark humor jokes:
41. How does a cucumber become a pickle?
It goes through a jarring experience.
42.What did one toilet say to the other?
You look a bit flushed.
43. What do you think of that new diner on the moon?
Food was good,but there really wasn’t much atmosphere.
44. Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because the chicken wasn’t born yet.
45. Why can’t Elsa from Frozen have a balloon?
Because she will "let it go,let it go."
46. What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?
A tuba toothpaste.
47.Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?
Because she wanted to go to high school.
48. What do you call a dog magician?
A labracadabrador.
49. Where would you find an elephant?
The same place you lost her.
50.How do you get a squirrel to like you?
Act like a nut.
Question with answers humor jokes:
51. What do you call two birds in love?
Tweethearts
52. How does a scientist freshen her breath?
With experi-mints.
53. How are false teeth like stars?
They come out at night.
54.Why are cigarettes good for the environment?
They kill people.
55. What building in your town has the most stories?
The public library.
56. What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm.
57. What is a computer's favorite snack?
Computer chips.
58. What did one volcano say to the other?
I lava you.
59. How do we know that the ocean is friendly?
It waves.
60. What is a tornado’s favorite game to play?
Twister.
Funny humor jokes:
61. How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
62. How do you talk to a giant?
Use big words.
63.When my uncle Frank died,he wanted his remains to be buried in his favorite beer mug.His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
64.It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
It's true.I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
65.“Here’s a picture of me with REM.That’s me in the corner.”–Milton Jones
66.“People say‘Bill,are you an optimist?
’And I say,‘I hope so.’”–Bill Bailey
67.“I rang up British Telecom and said: ‘I want to report a nuisance caller.’He said:‘Not you again.’”–Tim Vine
68.“My girlfriend is absolutely beautiful.Body like a Greek statue–completely pale, no arms.”–Phil Wang
69.“We weren’t very religious.On Hanukkah,my mother had our menorah on a dimmer.”–Richard Lewis
70.“Life is like a box of chocolates.It doesn’t last long if you’re fat.”–Joe Lycett
Humor jokes that are seriously funny:
71.“If God had written the Bible,the first line should have been‘It’s round.’”–Eddie Izzard
72.“Two fish in a tank.One says:‘How do you drive this thing?’”–Peter Kay
73.“My star sign is Pyrex.I was a test-tube baby.”–Billy Connolly
74.“I always take my wife morning tea in my pyjamas.But is she grateful?
No,she says she’d rather have it in a cup.”–Eric Morecambe
75.“A man walks into a chemist’s and says,‘Can I have a bar of soap,please?’
The chemist says,‘Do you want it scented?’ And the man says,‘No,I’ll take it with me now.’”–Ronnie Barker
76.“Crime in multi-storey car parks.That is wrong on so many different levels.”–Tim Vine
77.“You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your bookcase.”–Rob Beckett
78.“Owls haven’t got necks, have they?An owl is essentially a one-piece unit.”–Ross Noble
79.“My phone will ring at 2am and my wife’ll look at me and go,“Who’s that calling at this time?”
I say,“I don’t know.If I knew that we wouldn’t need the bloody phone.”–Lee Evans
80.“If you arrive fashionably late in Crocs,you’re just late.”–Joel Dommett
81.“I doubt there’s a heaven;I think the people from hell have probably bought it for a timeshare.”–Victoria Wood
82.I said to the gym instructor:“Can you teach me to do the splits?”,He said:“How flexible are you?”,
I said: “I can’t make Tuesdays.”–Tommy Cooper
83.What's the best thing about teamwork?
Someone else to blame.
84.What kind of award does the world's top dentist get?
A little plaque.
85.How does NASA organize a party?
They planet.
86.Why do I drink coffee?
I like to do stupid things faster and with more energy.
87.What's it called when you steal somebody's coffee?
A mugging.
88.What does a baby computer call his father?
Data
89.What's the best way to make a small fortune in the stock market?
Start off with a big fortune.
90.Why did the computer sneeze?
It had a virus.
91.How do you tell if an accountant is an extrovert?
If he looks at your shoes when he talks to you instead of his own.
92.What does a gossiping coffee do?
Spill the beans.
93.You know what can really ruin a Friday?
Remembering it's Thursday.
94.What kind of sugar does Lady Gaga like in her coffee?
Raw raw raw raw raw.
95.Why can you never trust spiders?
Because they post stuff on the web.
96.What is an alien's favorite place on a computer?
The space bar.
97.How does a coffee snob take their coffee?
Seriously.Very seriously.
98.How many computer programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None,that's a hardware issue.
99.Who wins in a fight between Sunday and Monday?
Sunday,because Monday is a weekday.
100.How do construction workers party?
They raise the roof!
Humor jokes for work:
101.What is the best way to criticize your boss?
Very quietly,so he cannot hear you.
102.What's the difference between a lawyer and God?
God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
103.How can you tell if you've found a good tax accountant?
If he has a loophole named after him.
104.Why did the employee get fired from the calendar factory?
They took a day off.
105.How are coffee beans like teenagers?
Both are always getting grounded
106.Why are chemists great at solving problems?
Because they have all the solutions
107.Where do computers go to dance?
The disk-o
108.The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person who upset you.
109.I use artificial sweetener at work.I add it to everything I say to my boss.
110.What did the computer do at lunchtime?
Had a byte.
Humor jokes of the day:
111.If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer…oh wait,he does.
112.People always say that hard work never killed anybody.But really,have you ever heard of anybody resting themselves to death?
I used to work for the paper business.But then it folded.
113.A salesperson came into an office one day and said "This computer will cut your workload by 50%!" The office manager replied "Great,I'll take two of them!"
114.I tried starting a hot air balloon business,but it never took off.
115.One astronaut said to the other"I can't find any milk."The other replied"In space,no one can.Here,use cream."
116.My boss told me to have a good day…so I went home!
117.I was digging a hole in the garden when I found some gold coins.
118.I was about to run and tell my wife,when I remembered why I was digging a hole in the garden…
119.I thought opening a door for a lady was good manners,but she just screamed and flew out of the plane.
120.I was raised as an only child,which I think was hard for my brother.
Corny humor jokes:
121.I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.
122.He later told me it was the most violent book he’d ever read.
123.My girlfriend dumped me,so I stole her wheelchair.
Guess who came crawling back?
124.‘You the bomb.’‘No,you the bomb.’
A compliment in the US,an argument in the Middle East.
125.Man:How do you prepare your chicken?
Waiter:Nothing special,we just tell them they’re going to die.
126.My wife left a note on the fridge saying,“this is not working”.
I don’t know what she’s talking about,the fridge is working fine.
127.Option 1:Let’s eat grandma.
Option 2:Let’s eat,grandma.
There you have it.Proof that punctuation saves lives.
128.Son:Dad,if I told you I was gay,would you still love me?
Dad:Don’t be silly son,you were an accident.I never loved you in the first place.
129.Son:How do stars die?
Dad:An overdose,usually.
130.My therapist said time heals all wounds.So I stabbed her.
Humor jokes to reverse:
131.Wife:I’m pregnant.
Husband:Hi pregnant,I’m dad.
Wife:No,you’re not.
132.Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding she’d say:“you’re next”.So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.
133.I went to visit my childhood home,but the people who lived there wouldn’t let me in.My parents are the worst.
134.Welcome to Plastic Surgery Anonymous.Nice to see so many new faces.
135.Sex is like air.It only matters if you aren’t getting any.
136.If you think I would joke about Alzheimer’s,forget it.
137.Stop elephant poaching.Everyone knows the best way to eat an elephant is grilled.
138.I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette.It went in one ear and out the other.
139.I’ll never forget my dad’s last words.“Erase my search history,son.”
140.If someone burns to death,do they get a discount at the crematorium?
Humor jokes to tell:
141.My wife says sex is even better on holiday.I wish she didn’t tell me via email.
142.Doctor:“You’ll be at peace soon”
Man:“Am I dying?”
Doctor: “No, your wife is”
143.I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies.She is not“fun to be around”.
144.Did you hear the joke about the baby with cancer?
It never gets old.
145.Life is like a box of chocolates.It doesn’t last long for fat people.
146.One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.
147.Lovely saying.Terrible way to find out you’re adopted.
148.I read a book about an immortal dog.It was impossible to put down.
149.My grief counsellor died.
He was so good,I don’t even care.
150.Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight.
Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.
Humor jokes for mind setup:
151.My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type.As he died,he kept insisting for us to“be positive,”but it’s hard without him.
152.Why did the man miss the funeral?
He wasn’t a mourning person
153.Priest:“Do you have any last requests?”
Murderer sitting in the electric chair:“Yes.Can you please hold my hand?”
154.Tombstone engraving:I TOLD you I was sick!
155.I hope death is a woman.
That way it will never come for me.
156.I have many jokes about unemployed people,sadly none of them work.
157.Why can’t you get a book on how to commit suicide at a library?
Because you wouldn’t bring it back
148.Shout out to my grandma since that’s the only way she can hear you.
159.What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself?
A tearjerker.
160.What makes sad people jump?
Bridges.
Attitude humor jokes:
161.You’re not completely useless.
You can always be used as a bad example.
162.What do you get when you cross a rabbit and a pit bull?
Just the pit bull.
163.What do you call a dog with no legs?
It don’t matter what you call it.It ain’t coming.
164.What animal has five legs?
A pitbull returning from a playground
165.Boy:“Mom,can I have a dog for Christmas,please?”
Mom: “No,you’re getting turkey,like every year!“
166.“Cats have nine lives.Makes them ideal for experimentation.”Jimmy Carr
167.“I gave my girlfriend something she didn’t expect for Valentine’s day…Chlamydia”– Frankie Boyle.
168.“I’m going to donate my body to science, and keep my dad happy–he always wanted me to go to medical school.”–Lee Mack
169.“If you think nobody cares about you,try missing a couple of payments.”–Steven Wright
170.“I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.” –Joan Rivers
Throughtful humor jokes:
171.I have many jokes about unemployed people,sadly none of them work.
172.For Sale:Parachute.Used once,never opened,small stain.
173.Why don’t cannibals eat comedians?
Because they taste funny!
174.Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn’t see that well.
175.Why can’t Michael Jackson go within 500 metres of a school?
Because he’s dead
176.A man and a woman are walking through the woods at night when the woman says“I’m scared”.
“How do you think I feel?”
The man replies.“I have to walk back alone.”
177.What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body?
I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage
178.Grandma:Most people your age are married by now,why aren’t you?
Me: Most people your age are dead by now,why aren’t you?
179.“I am not afraid of death,I just don’t want to be there when it happens.”–Woody Allen
180.“I intend to live forever or die trying.”—Groucho Marx
Humor jokes to tinkle your family:
181.“If you’re choking in a restaurant you can just say the magic words,“Heimlich maneuver,”and all will be well.Trouble is,it’s difficult to say“Heimlich maneuver”when you’re choking to death.”–Eddie Izzard
182.“Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.”–George Carlin
183.“’I’m sorry’and‘I apologize’mean the same thing.Except at a funeral.”—Demetri Martin
184.“Swimming is good for you,especially if you’re drowning.Not only do you get a cardiovascular workout,but you also don’t die”–Jimmy Carr
185.What do you call a dog with no legs?
It don’t matter what you call it.It ain’t coming.
186.What animal has five legs?
A pitbull returning from a playground
187.Boy:“Mom, can I have a dog for Christmas,please?”
Mom: “No,you’re getting turkey,like every year!“
188.What do you get when you cross a rabbit and a pit bull?
Just the pit bull.
189.I had a crush on my teacher,which was confusing,because I was homeschooled.
190.Life is like a peepee
It’s often hard for no reason
191.Son: “Dad,did you get the results of the DNA test back?”
Dad: “Call me George.”
192.Why is it that if you donate a kidney,people love you.
But if you donate five kidneys,they call the police.
193.Where did Sharon go during the bombing?
Everywhere
194.Sorry,what’s the quickest way to get to the hospital?
Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
195.What’s the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn’t beat cancer
196.What’s the best part about turning 60?
No more calls from life insurance salesmen.
197.My grandpa has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
198.What’s the difference between a baby and a potato.About 140 calories.
199.What’s the special in a restaurant for cannibals?
Heads,shoulders, knees and toes
200.In New York,someone gets mugged every ten seconds.
Poor guy.
By:JokeFiesta Team.
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